i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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