at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
