WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
