Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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