Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
