We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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