Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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