Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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