Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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