When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
