You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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