i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
