You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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