In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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