FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
