Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
