WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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