I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We're too hungover to prance.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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