Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
