It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
