He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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