do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
