dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
