he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
