I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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