From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
try to milk me bitch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
