Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
