my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
