i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
