At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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