I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
