he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
