last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
