Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
