apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
