Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
