the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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