drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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