I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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