Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
