I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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