Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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