You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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