I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
