He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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