I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
