i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
