Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
