Christians are straight up FREAKS
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
