Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
