i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
