This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize