i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
