god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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