Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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