I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
