wanna go halves on a baby?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize