I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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