they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
