Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
