My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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