Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
