Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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