Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
