Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
