Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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