We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
