I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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