I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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