My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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