The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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