I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
