I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
