Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
