i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
