I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
