just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
