he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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