What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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