You just made me feel so damn special
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
