When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
