Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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