I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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