he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
