I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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