Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We need to rekindle our bromance
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
