Midget sex pt 2 tonight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Your mouth is God's brothel.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
