The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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