Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
