just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
