During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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